I took qs post by my old blog ... I changed a few words, I added a couple ...
The public here, once again, because too often I forget these words too often or eat fast, I can still throw up or cut me a choice, and too often I defend my right to this choice ...
The public who calls himself "pro ana" and is proud of it: the public because the suffering should not be a fashion ... and zero to disappear is never a game ...
... I am 27 years old, from 12 survive anorexia. "Survive", not "live" because I almost died several times, and then did not seem like a risk, but a terrible liberation.
I wanted this blog because this is anorexia: a prison from which you are afraid to go out, a refuge that destroys you, an 'not be' that protects you from being wrong, the 'no choice' that we prevents mistakes.
Anorexia is afraid of myself, of others.
Afraid to trust, and let me go.
to betray the trust, and they could not accept.
Fear of hurting and being hurt.
Fear of failure, and impact.
Fear of indifference, abandonment, of losing everything.
Fear of love, of deep contact, to receive something of value.
Anorexia is a contradiction, inability to choose, inability to grow and enter the world, an inability to compromise with life, to accept an imperfect reality.
Anorexia is white or black, is the vision of two opposites separated by an unbridgeable gap, you always walk on the ridge risk of falling at every step, why do not you agree to be on a hill.
Anorexia is all that and a whole world beyond: I write this, because I it hurts to read blog "pro ana" because anorexia is a lifestyle, not a religion, not an ideal to which they have given, it is not even a choice.
Anorexia is, above all, pain.
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