Dime tú La Razón de Porque Sigo aquí, Aunque me is abrasive Jaula no intention salir ...
Tell me why I'm still here, though, even if I open the cage, do not try to go out ..
Today I have good reason to play it straight, I have a good reason not to binge and vomit, not to spend all day between the kitchen and bathroom ...
Yet I do the same.
go out tonight, tonight will be a great night tonight ... now I can not think anymore tonight.
Sara died yesterday.
When the phone rang I said merry, and when I heard M. I cry the smile froze on his lips.
When I met her, Sara was walking in a strange way, he spoke in a strange way ... I had a paralysis, he said, Sara was 2 times in intensive care, and came out with a 'ataxia that gradually decreased and a desire to fight that gradually increased.
was discharged, returned home, was hospitalized again, and then another and another. Together we
started to make a mosaic, she has done, not me. He looked in the mirror framed by all those tiles, and said it was nice to smile at inside.
I do not see Sara for almost 5 years, and the last time that he still had his turtleneck sweater to hide the scars of parenteral ... and that smile, that he learned to use, like all of us, to hide the scars of pain.
We felt sometimes, and she was never discussed with the healing ... but to feel good, yes. We speak with the disillusionment of the "veterans", who has a long history in the decades DCA ... do not know if we still believe, if we really can get out ... but we have never ceased to desire peace, even if the result of precarious balance, and always to the limit. Sara never says "I'm fine", but like me does not say "I feel bad" have fear of the other is not exposed too much ever, it is not vulnerable. So when I ask how he is, I'm happy if I said that going to school, working, who went on holiday ... when it falls into the vortex of obsession has nothing to tell me.
When I have been sick the last time, I cut all the bridges, even with Sara.
Then, twenty days ago, M. Sara told me that was not well, that she was hospitalized again, in psychiatry, after attempting suicide.
Saretta I understand, I too am so tired ... but I have not looked, I asked for her number, I was afraid I thought I heard a voice that I recognized, that he might not understand my words, or, worse still, would not know who to talk to ...
No, not remorse, I know I would not change anything ... I know too well how it works, I know all too quell'apatia, ignorance everyone and everything ... I know that when you reach the end only a miracle can save you, because nothing can keep you alive if you are to let her go.
not remorse, but I can not think of you, Saretta ... and Erika, you cried a lot when she's gone ... and Constance, thou hast not known, but you looked like so much ...
And I wonder: what now? Who will now?
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